Seasons of Surrender

The year is 1991. The season is fall. The church is small, rural, and Southern Baptist. The pastor preaches. The choir sings. The congregation worships. A lost and lonely girl watches and listens. She takes it all in. She wonders. She thinks. She ponders. How can the creator of the universe love her? A 19 year old single mother with no direction in life. She is lost. She is lonely. She is in need of a Savior. The pastor finishes his sermon. The congregation continues to sing and worship with the choir. The lost and lonely girl feels a tug on her heart. The Holy Spirit moves and she has no other choice but to follow His lead and surrender all. She surrenders. All.

The year is 2004. July is hot and the due date has come. The hour long drive to the office is overwhelming. The midwife is ready and waiting. The room is quiet, calm, and serene. The contractions are close together. The pain is incomparably intense. The need to push is upon me. I am scared. I am lonely. I feel lost. I push. Nothing. I push again. Nothing. I look longingly into the eyes of my midwife and tell her that I cannot do this. She gently but sternly reminds me that I have no other choice but to surrender. Surrender all. I surrender my body to the pain and I surrender the pain to the One who brings comfort. There, in that moment of surrender, I worship as I give birth to a miracle, our second daughter, Katie Jane Walker.

The year is 2011. The month is May. I don’t want to hear, “Do you know how that happens?” I don’t want to change any more diapers. I don’t want to get up in the middle of the night to nurse a needy infant. I don’t want to wash more baby clothes. I don’t want to be tired twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. I don’t want to gain weight and give my body over to another. I don’t want to wonder if this child is going to live or die. I don’t want to experience the natural process of labor and delivery. I don’t want to be pregnant. And I for sure don’t want to surrender.

But I have no choice. Surrender is my only option. I need to surrender all. And so I do. Tonight as I sit here in my bed with my computer in my lap, I surrender all. I give up my desires, my wants, my dreams….to Him, the one who loves me most and knows me best. I am a vessel willing and longing to be used by my Father.

Use me, Father, for I surrender all.

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No Subject

I jacked my mom's blog, so what should I type? I guess I will type how sweet and loving of a daughter she has. Can you guess who jacked her blog? Correct, it is Cayla. I like jacking my mom's blog. I do the same thing to her on Facebook. Well I am going to go and blog on my blog. My mom just caught me I think, bye.

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My Simple Woman's Daybook

My Simple Woman's Daybook For Today

April 27, 2010

Outside my window...are cloudy skies, a cool breeze, blooming rhododendrons, eleven happy hens, and one gorgeous rooster.


I am thinking...do I want to go to Costco this month or can I put it off until next month? I'm leaning toward going. The cabinets show proof that I need to make such a trip.

I am thankful for...my new computer. The monitor is large and it works much, much faster than my old one. Matthew has adopted my old one for his school computer. Our new set up works nicely.

From the learning rooms...we are continuing on. Matthew is well in to his new curriculum and doing well. Lucas is motivated to finish his 3rd grade math book so he can start 4th grade. He is excited that he will be able to use a "real" math book and "real" paper. Enough of this workbook stuff. Katie is working on math, reading, and handwriting everyday. She loves school and looks forward to learning. Cayla is finishing up 7th grade so she can move on to her new curriculum.

From the kitchen...Breakfast was oatmeal cake and eggs. Lunch was burritos and fruit. Dinner was layered nachos. The kitchen is now clean and closed for the next 12 hours.

I am wearing...capris and a short sleeve shirt. I'm about to have to purchase maternity clothes as my regular clothes just aren't fitting as they should. Oh gee darn.

I am creating...nada.

I am going...to eat popcorn and watch a movie with Tim in a few minutes.

I am reading...Amish Children.

I am hoping...for a full nights sleep with no interruptions.

I am hearing...Tim talk to his brother on the phone and Do Re Mi Fa So coming from the girls' room.

Around the house...the older kids are putting the chickens in their coop for the night. Larah is in bed waiting for me to tuck her in and Tim is lying on the couch talking to James.

One of my favorite things...listening in on Tim's conversations. I can learn so much.

A few plans for the rest of the week...school and dinner at a friend's house. That's about it. Fairly quiet week at the Walkers.

Here is a picture thought I am sharing...

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Tim is sad. Very, very sad. Today his van was ripped away from our home. It was taken far, far away to be fixed. He's not sure exactly what is wrong...other than it won't start. He had some wiring done to it a few weeks ago and now it is dead. I hope it doesn't take too long to diagnose and fix the problem....for I can see this separation leading Tim into a deep, dark depression. I will try my best to comfort him. It might take some Shrimp and Crab Dip or maybe even some Louisiana Yummy.

I love that my husband loves his van. He doesn't love it for the reasons most men love their rigs. It's not for the looks. It's not for the stereo. And it's not for the wheels and rims. He loves it because we have a large family and with this van we are able to do things all together.

Farewell for now, Tim's Van. Hurry back. You are missed badly.

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He Loves Me

Tim was in CA for a week and these were my "I missed you and I was thinking of you" gifts. Two of my all-time favorite things. Pepsi and a new coffee mug. Pepsi has been my choice of drink for years. Some would even say I have an addiction. I beg to differ...I just happen to like it and I like it A LOT!!! Now about the mug...I collect coffee mugs. I have pretty ones and ugly ones. I have big ones and small ones. I have serious ones and funny ones. This one....uuuummmm...not too sure where it fits in, but I do indeed love it. Thanks, Babe, for thinking of me. Thanks, also, for coming home. I MISSED YOU!!!

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The Simple Woman's Daybook

The Simple Woman's Daybook

For Today

April 12, 2010

Outside my window...complete darkness.

I am thinking...about the baby growing inside of me. Is it a boy or girl? Will he/she have a lot of hair? Will he/she live past 22 weeks? What will we name him/her? How will Baby Sam adjust to being a big brother? All sorts of thoughts. None of which I have an answer to. And so I must remain in the Lord's hand and continue to entrust this life to Him.

I am thankful for...a life in the great Northwest. Throughout my life, I have lived in Indiana, Ohio, Texas, Oklahoma, Louisiana, Pennsylvania, and Washington. I am happy to call Washington my home.

From the learning rooms...Cayla is still upset that she has to do school this week. She thinks since her brothers are gone and not doing school, that she shouldn't have to do school. Little does she realize that Lucas and Matthew are learning an abundant amount of information this week. Information that they will take with them for the rest of their lives. So, yes Cayla, you must continue on in your education.

From the kitchen...had lunch out with friends and dinner at a friend's house. My kitchen is pretty much in order and feeling a slight bit neglected. Tomorrow I will be busy cooking dinner for a friend, so it will be messy and used once again.

I am wearing...a t-shirt and a fleece blanket around my legs. I was about to climb into bed, but decided to mess around on the computer for a while. I don't like going to bed when Tim is gone. It gets kinda lonely in that big ol' bed. Katie is sleeping with me tonight. For some reason or other, she just doesn't satisfy like Tim does. Of course, I would never tell her that.

I am creating...nada.

I am going...to have a midwife appointment next Wednesday. I hope to find out if we are having a boy or girl. I have a feeling it is a boy, but I just don't know. What do you think about the name Issac for a boy or Abagail for a girl? I like 'em.

I am reading...Amish Women ~ Lives and Stories and Capture His Heart ~ Becoming the Godly Wife Your Husband Desire.

I am hoping...to remember to put in our co-op order Thursday. It seems more often than not I forget to put it in on time. There are a few things I really need, so I am, I am, I am going to remember. Really, I am!!!

I am hearing...Nearer My God to Thee/Peace Be Still by Allen Hall playing on Pandora and Cayla rustling around behind me in Tim's recliner.

Around the house...is evidence of a busy, but good, day. Toys, dirty clothes, firewood, bags, etc. laying all around. I will wake up earlier than the kids tomorrow morning and will have it tidied up before they rise and shine.

Two of my favorite things...see picture below. They are not things...but they definitely are two of my favorites.

A few plans for the rest of the week...not too much is going on. Still trying to get some friends together to do some scrap booking. Maybe a trip to the library. Other than that it is a fairly quiet week.

Here is a picture thought I am sharing...
Katie and Lolanda

Sunday, April 11th

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An Awesome Giveaway

Homesteader's Heart is a blog that has quickly become one of my favorites. Kim loves the Lord and has a wonderful sense of humor. Right now she is having a giveaway that you just might want to check out. Go here to take a look.

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Little Helpers

Last night before bed, Katie, in her sweet 5-year old voice, requested Cinnamon Rolls for breakfast. I had plenty of time this morning and so, with the help of two sleepy little girls and my new Amish cookbook, I made a batch of 21 cinnamon rolls.

It's time like these that I cherish. Working in the kitchen beside my girls. Helping each other. Building character and teaching responsibility. Showing the importance of measurements and ingredients. Talking about this and that. Making memories. It's times like these that I cherish....times like these that I will miss when my girls are grown.

Thank you, Lord, for times like these. Thank you for allowing me the blessing of being a mom. My children are such a joy and they bring me immeasurable pleasure. You are a good God who gives good gifts to your children. Thank you! I love you!

Katie's job was to roll out the dough.

Larah's job was to help me spread the butter, cinnamon, and sugar mixture.

They both thought it was their job to test taste the dough. Needless to say, it passed inspection...even if their faces don't show satisfaction. (It was a late night and an early morning so they were pretty slow to wake up.)

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The Simple Woman's Daybook

The Simple Woman's Daybook

For Today

April 8, 2010

Outside my window...snow, snow, snow!!! It feels extremely cold outside, but the snow is absolutely beautiful.

I am thankful for...Sam's prescription of Lactulose. It seems to be doing the job and he is a much happier baby.

From the learning rooms...a small break today. The three girls went to town for a day with Papa and those of us left home decided to take it easy. I called a snow day!

From the kitchen...elk roast in the crock pot to be served with potato casserole and banana pudding for dessert. I have had fun spending some time in the kitchen today.

I am wearing...sweatshirt and jeans.

I am creating...nothing at the moment. But I have entertained thoughts of having a scrap booking night. Cayla is wanting to do some scrappin' and so we might call a couple of friends together and be creative. Probably next week sometime.

I am going to...remember to get up and make Justin breakfast tomorrow morning. Last week I forgot. Although he was very sweet about it, I was sad I missed my weekly one-on-one time with him.

I am reading...Capture His Heart...Becoming the Godly Wife Your Husband Desires by Lysa TerKeurst. It is one of those books I long to own..the kind I like to read over and over. Lysa's biblical wisdom is challenging while encouraging, convicting while affirming. I highly recommend this book to anyone willing to become a better wife.

I am hoping...to (continue to) capture his heart and become the Godly wife my husband desires.

I am hearing...Phil Collins (We Always Need to Hear Both Sides of the Story) on the CD player, the crackling fire, the hum of the dishwasher, and Baby Sam playing contently behind me. Is it contently or contentedly?

Around the house...most things are in order. I have a few loads of laundry waiting to be folded and some dishes needing to be washed, but other than that, my house is decently tidied.

One of my favorite things...Sam's laugh. It has been a while since he has laughed, but he did today and it blessed my heart. I am so happy he is feeling better.

A few plans for the rest of the week...just everyday home stuff. Friday night Tim and I are dining with some friends. Red Lobster or Outback Steakhouse??? Hard decision. Suggestion anyone?

Here is a picture thought I am sharing...

I can't wait to eat this. I might have to skip the main meal and dig into dessert. I guess this wouldn't set a very good example for my children though, huh?

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The Making of Soft Pretzels

This afternoon I was itchin' to get in the kitchen and bake something. It just happened to be the perfect time for an afternoon snack. I opened up The Amish Cook's Baking Book and decided to stir up a batch of soft pretzels. Lucas was my helper, and together, we made some mean soft pretzels. Unfortunately, the book belongs to our local library and is due tomorrow. So in an attempt to keep this recipe on hand, I am going to post it on my blog. You just might enjoy making some yourself.

Soft Pretzels

(makes 6 medium pretzels)

1 1/2 tsp active dry yeast

1 1/2 tsp sugar

1/2 tsp salt

3/4 cup warm water

1 3/4 cups bread flour

1 large egg

Coarse salt for sprinkling

Preheat oven to 425 degrees F. Grease a baking sheet. Mix and dissolve the yeast, sugar, and salt in the warm water. Stir in the flour until a ball forms. Put the dough on a lightly floured surface and knead until smooth. Divide and roll the dough into 6 small ropes and shape into pretzel shapes. Place on the baking sheet. Beat the egg and brush on the unbaked pretzels. Sprinkle with coarse salt. Bake until they are a light golden color, about 10 minutes.
Here is Lucas, in complete concentration, brushing on the beaten raw egg.

I must say...I am quite pleased with our efforts.

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The Simple Woman's Daybook

The Simple Woman's Daybook

For Today

March 26th, 2010

Outside my window…is the sound of dripping rain and the promise that it is going to be a cloudy, cool day. I love having my windows open and listening to the spring time rain.

I am thinking…that today is going to be a good day.

I am thankful for…Baby Sam. Today is his 1st birthday and I can't imagine life without him. He brings our family such joy and happiness.

I am wearing…my favorite jeans, my favorite shoes, my favorite socks, and a shirt...not my favorite shirt, but comfy nonetheless.

I am remembering…being 9 days overdue with Sam and finally going into labor. It was very fast and very intense. VERY INTENSE!!!

I am going…to Morton today with Sam, Matthew, and Larah. Sam...because it's his birthday and I don't want to leave him. Matthew....because he has to cash a check at the bank. And Larah....because it is quite evident that she is in need of some mama time.

I am reading…Capture His Heart by Lysa TerKeurst.

I am hoping…my cinnamon rolls taste as good as I want them to taste.

On my mind…friends that are moving.

Noticing that…I get a lot more done when I get up earlier than normal. Today I got up at 4:30 and it feels great. I can't do that everyday, but when I can I get so much accomplished.

Pondering these words…He is the Rock, his works are perfect, and all his ways are just. Deuteronomy 32:4.

From the kitchen…Cinnamon rolls rising in the oven. I checked out an Amish cookbook from the library and this was my first selection.

Around the house…So far Katie is the only one up. She is in the living room looking at books, giving me just enough time to finish this post.

One of my favorite things...a genuine, heartfelt smile.

From my picture journal…

Baby Sam...just waking up on his big day.
Happy 1st Birthday, Samuel Isaiah!!!

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The Simple Woman's Daybook

My Simple Woman's Daybook
For Today
March 10, 2010

Outside my window…it is still dark and the temperature is 28 degrees. Spring has sprung, but the night time temps still get low.
I am thinking…a whole lot of thoughts. Some are bigger than others, and more important, but they all seem to be taking up room in my brain....which is why I am up writing on my blog when I should be sleeping. I woke up, started thinking, and could not go back to sleep.
I am thankful for…my husband. He wears so many hats and has so many demands from others, but he always manages to put his wife and children first.
I am wearing…my hooded sweatshirt. Maybe if I put more clothes on, I wouldn't be so cold.
I am remembering…to take my prenatal vitamins everyday. This is easy for some people, but for me, it is very difficult. Larah is faithful to remind me.
I am going…to take Baby Sam to the doctor Friday. It will be his first ever doctor's appointment. I am a little nervous for the outcome, but am trusting in God.
I am reading…The Last Song by Nicholas Sparks. I hope to get it done before the movie comes out at the end of the month.
I am hoping…that this day drags on and on and on. I will not want it to come to an end.
On my mind…a baby that needs lots of love and even more prayers.
From the learning rooms…it is our spring break. We will be ready to start again on Monday. I say we, but what I really mean is I. Somehow I don't think the kids will be ready.
Noticing that…my boys did a fine job of cleaning the house while I was away for two days. They sure know how to please their mama.
Pondering this word…forgive. It is an important part of the Christian walk. I am learning that forgiveness is a discipline and not something that happens naturally.
From the kitchen…nothing yet, but as soon as I get done with this, I will think about a menu for today.
Around the house…everyone, but Lucas, is still sleeping. It is unusually quiet.
One of my favorite things…the Oregon coast. There is no place in the world quite like it.
From my picture journal…

My Baby...it's hard to believe he'll be one year old in a couple more weeks.

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Just a Glimpse ~ Day 25

I never thought I would enjoy these creatures as much as I do. They can be so entertaining. We used to keep them in their coop 24/7, but over the winter we allowed them to free-range. Now we find them roaming all over the place...the backyard, the horse pasture, the garden, the church parking lot, the front yard...even in the neighbor's yard. We have 1 rooster and 11 chickens. They can be quite stinky and they poop EVERYWHERE, but for some reason or other, they just don't bother me. Some days I walk outside with a pan full of scraps and yell, "Hey girls." They all come running toward me wondering what kind of goodies they are about to devour. They seem to be very happy animals and we are pleased every morning as we eat their eggs. Our chickens rock.

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Just a Glimpse ~ Day 24

This pictures shows an attempt at me trying to be organized. My desire is to one day be so organized that I'll feel like I have nothing else left in my life that needs to be organized. I don't think I'll ever get there, but I'll keep trying. Anyway, this is how we sort our laundry. The older kids all do their own laundry, but the younger ones are in training. Lucas can read and therefore he knows what basket to put what clothes. I work with Larah and Katie and we sort by colors. Darks, colors, and whites. This is a system that works for me and it is exciting to see my kids participating in laundry, a mandatory, but fun, chore.

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Just a Glimpse ~ Day 22

One of my all-time favorite girls.
She always wears a smile and she gives the best hugs. I often have art work from her hanging on my fridge...art work that she creates just for me. We were blessed with her company for a few hours this afternoon. I love you, TMH!!!

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Just a Glimpse ~ Day 21

Larah would prefer to help me put Baby Sam's socks and shoes on, but he doesn't seem to be as patient and bendable as these two dolls. Tonight, as the rest of the family watched the 2010 Vancouver Olympics, Larah opted to play with two of her favorite "friends."

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Just a Glimpse ~ Day 20

We woke up early this morning to find out we had no water. Matthew worked diligently at cleaning out the pump house so Tim and a friend could diagnose the problem. They finally figured it out and it will be fixed on Monday. We are all thankful for wonderful neighbors who are willing to share.

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Just a Glimpse ~ Day 19

One of my favorite things about being a mom is seeing little hands and hearts at work. Every week Larah helps me put my vitamins in my pill box. She gets so excited to do this simple, yet very important, task. She loves to count the pills, separate them, and place them into the proper day. It is my goal to teach and train my children at a young age to enjoy work. Larah, at age three, is doing a fine job of becoming a happy chore "doer".

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Just a Glimpse ~ Day 18

Elsie Dinsmore, a pillow, a few blankets, and a yard swing. Add those all together with some springtime sunshine and you'll find one happy young lady.

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Just a Glimpse ~ Day 17

These two pads of paper (next to the darling picture of our nephew, Johnathan) play a very important part in my monthly grocery shopping. The green pad is my Costco list and the pink pad is my Walmart list. When we run out of something, the kids and I know to put that item on the list. The only downfall....sometimes I leave to go shopping and forget to take these with me. Ugh!!! Do you ever do such things?

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