Lost and Found

"Mom, I cannot make you laugh.  I can't even make you smile."  A sad, but true, statement spoken to me by my beautiful 14-year old daughter.

"Babe, you've lost your smile again."
"Babe, did you find your smile?"
"Babe, while you're at the store, see if they have any smiles on sale."
"Did you lose your smile....again?"  Sad, but true, words verbalized to me by the love of my life.

"Mom, are you okay?"
"Is something wrong?"
"Can I do anything for you?"  Sad, but true, questions asked by my children on any given day.

I have lost my joy.   I realize now that I lost it over 2 1/2 years ago.  I remember the day vividly in my mind.  Words of a loved one crushed me.  Crushed my heart.  Crushed my soul.  Crushed my being.  That day turned into weeks, the weeks into months, and the months into years.  As time passed, it became easier and easier to allow any and all of life's uncomfortable circumstances to steal my joy.    

This morning I was sitting in the nursery at church while Abbie slept peacefully in the crib.  I had my Bible opened to the book of Phillipians.  I listened quite intently to the Word being read and preached.  God met me there in the quietness and gently spoke to my joyless heart.  Tender, encouraging words meant for me and me alone, His child, His treasured and cherished daughter.

The sermon ended and I headed back into the auditorium for a time of praise and worship.  Once again, God met me there and spoke tender, encouraging words to my joyless heart.  I sang.  I prayed.  I worshiped.  I walked up front to the communion table.  Tears fell as I began to remember Christ's sacrifice for me.  Realizing what I had been doing for the last 2 1/2 years hit me like a ton of bricks.

I stood at the altar and poured out my heart to God.  Surrendering my joyless heart to Him, I begged Him to meet me and fill me with His joy.  Once again, He met me where I was and I felt His presence.  I felt His love and His comfort.  I felt His embrace and His forgiveness.  As the service ended I felt a feeling I haven't felt in a very long time.  JOY!   I walked out the doors of the church building, smiling and singing these words to my Heavenly Father:

I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart.                                

Where? Down in my heart!

Where? Down in my heart!

I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart,

Down in my heart

Down in my heart to stay.